Anonymous

Cervical insufficiency. Emergency cerclage attempt.

Previable rupture. 42 days of waiting.

Delivered at 27 weeks.

A tiny fighter. A long NICU road.

I was diagnosed with cervical incompetence at 20w5d at my normal anatomy scan. They weren’t even going to check cervix but I was insistent on a hunch… no symptoms whatsoever. They found I was dilated 4cm and I was immediately admitted and told I was likely in labor.

We attempted an emergency cerclage, but my membranes were so stretched and bulging that I ruptured in the OR. My MFM, Dr. Marinescu, handled my case so wonderfully. She was given an almost impossible task. And the way she nurtured me, counseled me, gave me space to grieve and ask questions… I think about her still very frequently. The juxtaposition of total support and total despair is jarring.

After that, I was given honest but stark statistics…. 92% of patients will deliver within 2 weeks. He would still be previable. I opted to hold out and labor when he was ready. I wanted to give him a birthday. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, waiting every minute to meet a son I likely would never raise. But every minute I was holding on, he was holding his own… our mantra being “one more day!” throughout. He had almost no amniotic fluid and it was constantly pouring out of me, even on bedrest, even hospitalized.

They don’t tell you how crucial the fluid is for lung development until all of this happens. We had many many scares. I was given antibiotics, and when the time came, steroid injections. And this super hero child held on til 27w4d when he was delivered via emergency c section. I spent 42 days in the hospital before his birth. I drank a ton of water and put myself on a semi bedrest, much to the dismay of my team!!! I got up for short walks daily, but otherwise my days were spent living from one fetal check, lab draw, medication to another. Each second closer to a better outcome.

In there, I learned to take every second at a time. Slow, methodical. I felt so very loved by my family. I felt so completely cared for my the 3-1200 nurses. Oh man, the nurses in antepartum are beyond compare!! They became my lifeline as I waited… just grateful to have the opportunity to wait. Today marks 3 years since my rupture. It felt right to share today. This experience changed my whole life. I wish I could say that I don’t, that time heals all wounds. And it does… a little. But I still remember all of it like it was yesterday.

We’ve been home 2.5 years now. He is a smart, loving, guitar-obsessed, feisty little ball of energy. And I am so grateful I really get to raise him every single day. Thank you for giving the space to share my experience.