Anonymous

First pregnancy.

Severe Preeclampsia & HELLP syndrome.

Emergency C-section at 27 weeks.

300+ days in the NICU & PICU.

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone 🤍

This was my first pregnancy. I thought it was so easy. I had no morning sickness, no aversions or weird cravings. At all of my OB checks, I was told my baby boy was healthy. Towards the 24-week mark, I was starting to swell. I told myself it was because I was working and it was an incredibly hot summer. I called my OB, who told me this was a normal thing with pregnancy. I’m adopted—my mother and my mother-in-law never had kids of their own biologically—so I took my OB’s word for it.

The swelling got worse. Sleeping got worse. It was uncomfortable for me to sleep, but again, I thought it was normal pregnancy discomfort, and my OB confirmed that’s all it was. The day of my 1-hour glucose test, I was almost in tears in the waiting room waiting for that hour to pass. I called my OB after and told her I shouldn’t be in pain just sitting there. She advised me to run to Wegmans to check my blood pressure. 140/110. I called them back with that number, and they told me to come in, where it was up to 172/116.

I was admitted to the antepartum unit that evening at 27 weeks, 2 days.

I never felt so alone. My easy pregnancy turned into my worst nightmare. My first full day in the unit was filled with visits from my husband, my friends, and my in-laws. The goal was to get to 34 weeks. My world felt like it stopped. I didn’t say goodbye to my dogs, didn’t finish his nursery, didn’t have a baby shower—it all was ripped away.

The next day, the same routine. Blood pressure check, medication, NST. My nurse commented that my sweet boy was moving around actively and would be staying in for at least another few days. My husband came up later in the morning, and we were cramped into my hospital bed watching a movie, trying to feel “at home.” After a bit, my nurse came in and asked her usual question of “How’s baby boy moving?” It hit me that he wasn’t. I wasn’t at the point of focusing on counting kicks, but I knew it had been a while since I felt him kick me. Immediately, they paged for an ultrasound to check. It was a one-hour scan to watch my perfect boy. I lost it. I cried more than ever as I watched him not move. After that hour, I was moved to my own room, where I received another one-hour scan. Baby boy didn’t move a muscle.

At 27 weeks and 4 days, I delivered my first baby by emergency C-section. My stay lasted two days. The nurses were amazing over there. They cried with me but also made me feel so comforted and safe.

My baby boy has been at Strong for almost 300 days. From NICU to PICU, the nurses have felt like family. They care for my baby as if he were their own, they advocate when I’m not there, and they protect him every day.

This has been the hardest adjustment, and I have learned so much about myself and the strength I need to have for my baby. I’m incredibly grateful for the care I received and the care my son receives. But I will forever carry anger and regret that I didn’t get help sooner. I will forever feel anger that when I asked for help, I was reassured it was normal. I suffered from severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I am forever grateful my son and I are still here fighting.